Poverty alleviation foundation for disability say NO to RAPE........No Mean No.

Drawing a hard, sharp line between “sex” and “power” was one of the strategies that the women’s movement used in the 20th century to undermine the patriarchal narrative about rape.

By making the case that rape was a crime of power, not passion, feminists were able to shift rape trials away from being inquests into the attractions and virtues of the victim.

That shift is incomplete, and for many women, prosecuting a rape ends up redoubling the trauma and invasion of the original attack. Even so, it is at least understood in principle that a rape trial is about consent and not propriety. The sex/power divide does something else as well: it helps to protect women’s experience of their own sexuality from the fact of endemic exploitation. It says that, even in a world where men use sex as a weapon against women, it’s possible to mark out something of your own, a walled garden of pleasure where inequalities of power do not apply.

RAPE is never a simple misunderstanding about the meanings of yes and no. (One of the absurdities of rape trials is that they so often hinge on the accused man claiming a kind of incomprehension, which, if applied to any other realm of human experience, would make communication impossible: we can all tell, via myriad cues of context and non-verbal negotiation, when someone is taking a gentle pass on what we’re proposing. Only when it comes to sex does it apparently become necessary to give explicit refusal.) For the rapist, the lack of consent is the point.

TRUE- Women often lie about rape because they regret having sex with someone, or because they want attention.

Fact: Stories in the media can give the impression that women often lie about sexual violence. In fact, false allegations of rape are very rare. Most people who have been raped or experienced sexual violence or abuse never tell the police.

TRUE- Women provoke men to rape them by wearing revealing clothes or flirting.

Fact: It doesn’t matter what a woman is wearing, or how she is behaving – if she doesn’t consent to sex, that is rape. Only the rapist is ever responsible for rape.

TRUE- When it comes to sex, women and girls give out mixed signals. They sometimes 'play hard to get' and say 'no' when they really mean 'yes'. 

Fact: Everyone has the legal right to say 'no' to sex and to change their mind at any point of sexual contact. If the other person doesn't stop, they are committing sexual assault or rape. When it comes to sex, we must check in with our partners, respect their wishes, and believe what they tell us about what they do and don't want.

TRUE- If you are in a relationship with someone, it’s always OK to have sex with them.

Fact: Everyone has the right to say 'no' to any type of sexual activity at any time – including with their partner. Consent must be given and received freely every time. Rape and sexual violence in a relationship is illegal.

TRUE- Women shouldn’t go out alone at night as they are likely to get raped.

Fact: Only one in 10 of rapes are committed by 'strangers'. The rest are committed by someone the survivor knows – such as a friend, neighbour, colleague, partner, or family member. People are raped in their homes, their workplaces and other settings where they previously felt safe. The risk of rape by a stranger shouldn’t be used as an excuse to restrict what women can do.

TRUE- Women don’t commit sexual offences.

Fact: The majority of sexual assaults and rapes are committed by men against women and children. However, women do perpetrate sexual violence against other women, men and children. Often people who've been sexually assaulted or abused by a woman worry they won't be believed or their experiences won't be considered 'as bad'. This can make it difficult for these survivors to access services or justice.

TRUE- People who were sexually abused as children are likely to become abusers themselves.

Fact: The vast majority of people who were sexually abused as children never rape or sexually abuse other people. This is a dangerous myth that is sometimes used to excuse the behaviour of people who do sexually abuse children or others. There is never any excuse for sexual violence against children or adults.

Sadly, years went by with a society that would rather brush things under the rug than face these wrongdoings head-on. Without support, even powerful women fell to the silence that follows a sexual assault.

The world today is changing, but unfortunately, sexual assault is still happening every single day. People are beginning to talk about it more but it is still not reaching a point where there is a solution.

That we are publicly debating and campaigning against rape is a big change from the Nigeria of decades ago. It is exciting to know that things are gradually changing in our society. This change is brought by the outrage over the incessant stories of rape involving traditionally vulnerable members of our society – women, children and the elderly. Although hardly spoken of, men and boys are as much aggressors as they are victims.

Every effort aimed at protecting the girl child from harm is a required step. Women are the preservers of life. Unfortunately, they are often the least protected in our society. We must keep this debate on the Bunsen burner until such a time when all victims irrespective of their gender (but most especially the girl child) are confident enough to walk and talk conscious that society listens, empathizes and protects them.

We must get to that level where people understand what consent means; who could give it and under what circumstances. Once these becomes part of the culture, then those who realize they need help would seek the help they need early enough rather than assume that they’ll be protected for their action or addiction.

Let’s keep talking, and saying it loud and clear – say no to rape